He's smart AND humble

I think Dennis is a very bright boy. How could he not be when he has a fabulously intelligent mother? While he's not likely to enter college at age 12, he's still very smart. He's also quite handsome, too, and he's a great big brother. He is very compassionate and sensitive. I could go on and on about how wonderful he is. And so could he.

Dennis was chosen as Star Student of the Week. He considered it a great honor, while in truth, it was simply his turn. Each child in his class has one week where they are the Star Student. The Star Student makes a poster about himself and fills out a little "about me" sheet. Both of these things require parental help, so I sat down to help him.

First, we filedl out the form. It was full of fill-in-the-blank questions. Where would he go if he could go anywhere in the world? Grandma's house. The global perspective of a 5 year old is quite underwhelming. What is the best thing about him? Without hesitation, Dennis said "I can read." He *is* a good reader. What is the second best thing about him? "I'm a good helper." True enough, he *is* a good helper. What is something he can do really well? "Read!" Ok. We got it. You can read.

The last question was very difficult for Dennis. It was a question that all the intelligence in the world couldn't help him answer. He thought. And thought. And kept on thinking. The mind boggling question for Dennis was "What is one thing you can improve on?" My poor little boy could not think of one single thing he did not do very well. He was stumped. Finally, he came up "I can't turn on Daddy's new computer." That's the best it was going to get.

With his humble display on the "about me" paper behind us, we moved on to the poster. It was supposed to have pictures of him, family, friends, vacations, hobbies, etc, etc. He only really got the first little bit of that. It was supposed to have pictures of him. He fit no less than 15 pictures of himself on that poster. I managed to sneak in a few of family members along the bottom, but they were not terribly welcome. I began to worry he would flip the poster over to try and sneak in some more pictures of himself.

When I told my mother-in-law about the poster and "about me" paper, she said, laughing, "At least he has confidence." Confidence? Yeah... let's call it that. I have a very, very confident little boy.

5 out of 6

Five out of six commericals during the local new broadcast were for political campaigns. The sixth commercial was for Sonic. But by then, I had lost my appetite. Sonic needs to insist on a better time slot.

An old column about Dennis

Here's a column about Dennis from a year and a half ago. I will be posting more about my middle son, Xander. He's quite a handful, but lately Dennis has been funnier.

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Sunday School to the Rescue
All parents want their kids to embrace certain religious beliefs. I take my kids to church and send them to Sunday school. But, of course, most of their religious upbringing involves what they learn at home, from my husband and myself.
That’s where things derail.
Last Easter, being the good mommy that we all know I am, I decided to minimize the Easter bunny and colored eggs and focus our holiday on the death and resurrection of Christ. Our oldest had just turned 4 years old, and of course, he was the brightest 4 year old who had ever lived. Charming and handsome, too, but I digress.
My husband and I explained to him about the death of Christ. Then we told him we had good news. Jesus was alive again! He looked at us like we each sprung an extra head. Not a bad idea. It would double the odds that he’d listen to us. Again I digress.
Knowing children the way I do, I popped in a video about Christ, and Dennis “saw” the empty tomb himself. Since he saw it on TV, it must be true.
While stuffing him in his pajamas a few hours later, he looked pensive. That is quite an accomplishment for a 4 year old. As I wondered over this intelligent child of mine, it occurred to me to ask him what he was thinking about. He posed one very important question to me:
If Jesus is alive, why doesn’t He come to church?
True to form, I launched into a dissertation on the Holy Spirit, to which he stared blankly at one of my two heads. By the time I was done, in addition to again sprouting a second head, I managed to get my 4 year old to say the words “Mommy, I want to go to bed.”

What Dennis really learned in Kindergarten

Did you know that if you add the word "butt" to the end of every sentence, you instantly become inducted into the comedy hall of fame? Just ask any kindergartener. This was one of the more creative things Dennis learned in kindergarten. I didn't expect him to learn such a witty retort, but he did. He's a regular comedian-butt.

What else has he learned? He has learned his teacher is smarter than mommy. Well, rather he confirmed it. He has thought it since the first day of school. But it was recently proven true. For the year, they have to read, or have read to them, 100 books. Dennis would have hit this goal within the first 2 weeks of school if I let him count books he has read more than once. Dennis is a good reader, and so I thought I should raise the bar for him. Books are easier for him to read the second time through, so I told him he could only count books the first time he read them. I was trying to challenge him.

He got to where he wanted to count the same book 5 times since he read it over and over and over and over again. I told him no, and he insisted. He wanted me to write a note to Mrs. Andrews and whatever Mrs. Andrews said was the law. I relented. I wrote the note. He came running off the bus the next day saying "She said that's fine! I read the note!"

Now, I ask you, whose bright idea was it to teach that kid to read?

So, Dennis has learned that Mrs. Andrews is smarter than Mommy-butt. Glad I didn't decide to homeschool. Think of all he would have missed out on!

I lost mother of the year award today

As if I was even in the running. Here's the story of my less-than-stellar parenting.

It started last night. Dennis said "If I don't go to bed soon, I'm going to be too tired tomorrow." You know it's sad when your 5 year old tells you that it is time for bed.

Today, I had a room mom meeting with the other 2 room moms. Yes. I am a room mom. I send Dennis to kindergarten with a note to drop him off at his friend's house (where the meeting was). Elias wakes up with a fever and Xander's nose is running. Yay. I call and tell the other room moms to meet without me and call the school to tell Dennis to get off the bus at home and not at his friends house. I made it very clear that they needed to explain this to Dennis clearly, because he does not handle changes in plans well. But with 24 kids in the class, apparently there was no time to tell Dennis.

The bus stops at our house, and Dennis doesn't get off. The bus driver had to coax him off the bus. When he realizes that plans changed, he started to cry. As he is bawling, his genius mother says "Dennis, where is your coat?" He looks up quickly and then looks at the bus that turned to corner to go to his friends house. In all the confusion, he left his jacket on the bus. He loses it worse than before.

My very detail oriented child is out of the loop on what is happening in his day, and then I decide to inquire about his missing jacket. Real bright. Common sense is a recessive gene in our family unfortunately.

And this was all before noon today. Bedtime will not come soon enough for either of us.

Creepy commercials

The new Burger King commercial is... mmm... odd. A guy is lying in bed with the Burger King king. Who knew there was really a kingdom of burgers? Anyway, the king gives the dude some grease covered, deep fried breakfast sandwich and in the next scene, they are in bed laughing. The king touches the guy's leg and there is an awkward "curious" moment.

Who knew that was all it took to push a man into playing for the other team? I'll now be wary of all plastic faced gay men with artery hardening fast food trying to recruit my husband. He's already an immaculate dresser.

My favorite chat is empty...

... and my husband is working late and TV sucks. So, here is another blog entry tonight.

What is it about little boys? When my 5 year old uses the bathroom, it's like a hit and run. He runs in, drops his drawers and does his business. Then in a flash, he's gone again. Did he flush? No. Did he put the seat down? Why would he... watching mommy fall in is so much funnier. Did he wash his hands? "My hands are clean. I didn't even touch my penis." Oh, lovely. Thanks for the information.

Why the rush to get through the bathroom experience? Figuring that the time I am in the bathroom is the only time I get to be by myself, I rather relish in it.

Resting hard

"Mom, why can't I stay up late?"
"Dennis, it's a school night."
"Why can't I stay up late on a school night?"
"Because you need your rest, Dennis."
"Augh. I hate school! It's hard work. The harder you work the harder you need to rest."

Kindergarten must be much harder than it looks.

The Miracle of Eli

As my baby is turning one, I am becoming reflective of the little boy who has grown from a tiny thing to an adventurous almost-toddler. So please indulge me just this one time. My reflections are spiritual in nature and unlike most of my other writings. But I want to tell you of the miracle of Eli.
A lot of people think that a miracle is something that happens that defies logic and goes against natural laws. I rather think of a miracle as something that transcends logic and natural laws. Since God rules the natural laws, He cannot break them. They are His laws. A miracle is nothing less beautiful than God using His laws to bless us. God has given me a miracle in a package that is easy to recognize – a baby. But the greater miracle is one I had to discover. It is what I have realized is the miracle of Eli.
The miracle of Eli is not a miracle of something that has happened. The miracle of Eli is in what didn’t happen. I have many stories to tell, but I will restrain myself to just one. The original miracle of Eli occurred on the day he was born.
After some complications from an epidural, Eli started having drops in his heart rate. The drops became more often and more drastic. Labor was not progressing. It seemed like a cesarean section would be necessary to deliver a healthy baby. The thought frightened me, but not nearly as much as a dead baby did. The nurse began filling out the paper work as I breathed with an oxygen mask over my face. My doctor was perched in front of my monitor in case Eli’s heart rate didn’t recover after a drop. She didn’t want to do the c-section just yet, but she wanted the paperwork taken care of “just in case.”
All of the sudden labor sped up and Eli was on his way into the world. His entrance was a disturbingly quiet one. Instead of the scream of displeasure that my other boys had let out, Eli merely whimpered -- just one audible whimper. Before I knew it, he was a the side of my bed, in a bassinet with nurses hovering over him with a tiny oxygen mask. Well, the mask looked small in their hands but huge on his tiny face. While they were actively tending to him, all I could really see was a little blue hand. His cord had been wrapped tightly around his neck. It was so tight that the doctor wasn’t able to slip it over. She had to cut it immediately. And there I was, with a tiny blue hand as my first view of my baby.
As I think back to that moment in the delivery room, I realize how fragile babies are. I think of all that could have happened. But, as fragile as babies are, they have amazing strength. Perhaps it is when us humans are closest to God and the strength is drawn from Him. So many things went wrong, but so much more could have gone wrong. His body pinked up and then his arms and legs. And finally, while he was busy nursing 45 minutes after his birth, his blue hand turned pink. The miracle of Eli was when that little blue hand didn’t stay blue.
I have learned that miracles are not hard to find when we open our eyes to them. We all have miracles in our lives that enhance our earthly existence. As I have been reflecting on Eli, I have asked why have I been blessed with such a miracle? The answer God has given me is “Why not?”

Dennis is in the details

School started this year. Well, it starts every year. But it really started for us this year. Dennis began kindergarten at Greenwood Elementary.
He was excited. He talked about it all summer. And he talked about it. And then he talked about it some more. But as the start of school got closer, he started getting nervous.
Like his father, and so unlike his mother, Dennis is a very detail oriented person. When we tell him we are going on a trip for the weekend, he needs to know what I’m going to pack in his suitcase, where we are going to stay, how long it is going to take to get there, what size bed is he going to sleep in, if raccoons are native creatures to the area. He needs to know everything.
As August arrived, Dennis was beginning to worry about the details. First, he wanted to know what backpack he would have. Then he wanted to know what store I would buy his supplies at. Then he wanted to know his teacher’s name. Of course, the school doesn’t mail class assignment cards until less than a week before school. Thanks a lot. I don’t know what I would have done had Dennis not asked me 5 times a day if I knew who his teacher was going to be.
But, as usual, I digress. Let’s get back on topic.
Dennis’ detail oriented mind needs solutions. And when he doesn’t know the solution, he makes it up.
Two days before school started, he asked me if he could bring my cell phone to school. I beamed. Naturally he wanted my phone so he could call me if he needed me. Wrong. He wanted my cell phone so he could use the calculator on it “in case they make me do math.”
I explained, with a deflated ego, that he would learn to do math without a calculator. Quite exasperated, he exclaimed “But what if they want me to do 60 plus 70 and I don’t know 60 plus 70!”
I laughed. Yes, I did. I had a big hearty laugh right in front of him. I couldn’t compose myself long enough to go in the other room. The desperation in his big blue eyes along with the thought of a 5-year old punching 60 plus 70 into a calculator was just too much for me. It’s not like I was in the running for mother of the year award anyway.
Even before he worried about mathematical quandaries, he worried for his own personal comfort. About a week before school started, Dennis asked his dad if they would have blankets at school. Lars told Dennis that there wouldn’t be time for naps at kindergarten so they had no use for blankets. You see, like me, Lars likes to think he has an idea of what is going on in Dennis’ little mind. Of course, like me, he was wrong.
“But… but what if I get cold?”
I’m sorry, little Prince Dennis. Believe it or not, the entire world does not revolve around your comfort. Only Grandma’s world does that.
Now that school has started, his anxiety has melted away. He knows what to expect, so he isn’t concerned about the routine at school. He is thriving on the predictability. You can imagine that with two little brothers around, he doesn’t get much predictability at home, especially when one of those brothers is Xander.
But, soon enough, there will be another change in his life. And the questions will start again. May I have just as many answers as he has questions. I will, most definitely, have just as many laughs.